"Empathy for other vital to marriage" from the December 2, 1976 Door County Advocate
By GERRY WALSH
Empathy for other vital to marriage
By GERRY WALSH
Let's think big. I couldn't interview 75,000 women because there aren't that many women in Door county. But I know the wives in Door are interested and informed as well as knowledgeable people. They are interested in the replies of the 75,000 wives who responded to a recent Redbook survey. So here is a sampling:
How happy is your marriage? Say, what a question! Even if I tried, would women here in small towns tell me? NO. So, we go to the big survey. It applies to us too.
78 percent said that Love was the most important.
61 percent said Respect.
34 percent said Friendship.
34 percent said Sexuality.
Then came opportunities; compatibility; making compromises; shared interests; having children; and financial interests.
You know what? This extensive survey showed that among the unhappy married women were those who married mainly because they wanted financial security.
"If you marry for money you'll earn it." That's what my old mother said. Now, after a lot of years, I believe it. Not because I did — I was too smart for that — but because I know the agony of those who did, both sexes.
Redbook goes on to say: There is an importance to communication in marriage. They asked their readers whom they were most likely to confide in if they had a serious problem. The majority chose their husbands.
Also, women with full time jobs were as likely to be happy as full time housewives. Political liberals were as happy as conservatives. Small town wives were as happy as those from big cities. Income was not related to marital satisfaction. Do you who are fighting about money and counting every penny believe it? It's true! I know so many rich and unhappy wives. Don't you?
Wives who were mildly religious reported more satisfaction than wives who had no religion at all. And those who were strongly religious reported much greater satisfaction. How about that? Get thee to church!
From my limited experience, six years in Door, I have met many unhappy wives. Many are caught in the new Women's Lib. Should they be their own person or should they shut up and be a slave and suffer for their family? Only recently was this question ever asked.
Many women in Door are hurting because they are good Christians. They are suffering and the psychologists say don't suffer. But they believe in the Bible. What's the answer?
One answer might be a bit of empathy from their husbands. Empathy: a complete understanding of another's feelings, motives, etc. That means how it feels to scrub the floors week after week; to make the beds, day after day; to wash thousands of dishes; cook thousands of meals; wash endless dirty clothes; dust and dust again; shop for thousands of meals; be on call all day and night; be chauffeur, nurse and lover. Look great, keep slim, be informed. A very hard role. Made so much more difficult by the thousands of working wives who come home beat, so tired, like husbands, and then go on.
So we say, try it Daddy for one week; and then come home and criticize. Women know that our marriage would be so much better if you could realize our difficult role. We recognize yours. You are beat. So are we. How happy is our marriage? That depends on how we empathize with each other. Okay?
Courtesy of the Door County Library Newspaper Archive