"Judge discusses sharp rise in divorce rate" from the January 29, 1976 Door County Advocate
By KETA STEEBS
Judge discusses sharp rise in divorce rate
By KETA STEEBS
Sandy Christianson, deputy clerk of court, is accustomed to tabulating records but even Sandy, with seven years of experience tucked under her 19-inch belt, did a double take when she reviewed last year's divorce statistics.
The year 1975 saw 87 divorce actions started, 51 granted and 36 are either still pending or dismissed. Sandy doesn't keep track of marriage licenses but a call to the county clerk's office revealed that 175 couples were granted the legal right to pledge eternal vows.
It doesn't take an Einstein to conclude that almost half as many couples said "I don't" as "I do." This year, if the present trend continues, the situation will be reversed. As of Jan. 28, 1976, 14 couples applied for divorce versus seven for marriage licenses.
"We're running backwards," said Judge Edwin C. Stephan, whose duty it is to grant decrees, award custody, allot alimony and listen to tales of woe from both sides.
Because divorce is becoming increasingly easy to obtain many couples use it as a first rather than last resort. According to Stephan less than five per cent of the cases he's judged have been contested and then usually it's a dispute over child custody or property settlement. Rarely, says Stephan, is the divorce itself at issue. By the time they reach his bench both parties are only too anxious to call it quits.
The overwhelming majority of faces he looks into are young faces — 25 years old or younger. These are the kids who, fresh from school, rushed into wedlock with no idea of what it takes to make a marriage work or the cost involved in raising a family. They can't believe the ties that bind can turn into fetters if the knot keeps continuously slipping.
"Sire, I get older couples, too," Stephan reflected. "I see the guy, with the ten-year-itch looking for greener pastures; the middle-agers who stuck it out long enough to get the kids raised; the wife with the alcoholic husband who can't take his beatings any longer; the successful businessman who fell in love with another woman. I've heard their stories and I've granted their divorces but most of the marriages I've seen go down the drain have been less than five years old."
Financial difficulties, the judge believes, play a big part in the break-up of a marriage. "If a young fellow earns maybe $150 a week and blows half of it at the bar it's bound to lead to a fight. His wife has already learned that it's pretty hard to buy groceries, fuel oil, gas and diapers with the rest. It's also hard to pay the rent."
Modern youth has, on the whole, had it too good. The judge, a product of the depression era, said he's heard one young man after another bluntly tell him marriage cramped his style. Accustomed to free room and board at home, fast cars, freedom to go where and when he pleased, these newly marrieds (both men and women) can't seem to buy the idea that certain basic necessities take priority over new cars, color television and nights out on the town.
One attorney, who has managed to reconcile two out of every five couples who have sought his services, said marriage is no longer considered a 50-50 proposition. Too many men expect their wives to hold a full time job, keep an immaculate home and have a hot meal on the table in addition to bearing 80 per cent of the responsibility of rearing children. Once a man appreciates the fact that housework, cooking, and bringing up the kids are no longer "woman's work" exclusively the marriage has a 100 per cent better survival rate.
Immature couples have an especially difficult time adjusting to parenthood, Stephan declared. "When a wife is pregnant, becomes indifferent to her appearance, cares little about housekeeping and starts nagging her husband about 'other women' their marriage is in trouble."
Few cases involve actual physical abuse or other forms of "cruel and inhuman treatment," according to three out of four attorneys questioned. Most couples split because they are bored with each other, have few common interests, (outside of the children) or one of the partners wants to marry someone else.
The judge frankly admits that a good sexual relationship between a man and woman helps cement an otherwise shaky partnership. However, he says, most couples soon learn that sex isn't all that makes the world go 'round. Once marriage partners begin taking each other for granted, no longer care about each other's feelings, nag, ridicule and cut each other down it takes a lot of soul searching to help make things right.
Counseling, of course, has saved many an otherwise doomed marriage but cooperation on the part of BOTH partners is a must. Again, it takes a mature individual to admit he or she is at fault "It's a lot easier to blame the other guy," says Stephan. "Most couples don't even stop there. The world is at fault."
Judge Stephan predicts that "no fault" divorce will soon become commonplace. He also sees the day when husbands will be collecting alimony and child custody will not automatically be granted the woman. Only rarely does a father retain custody of his children now and then he has to prove his wife is "an unfit mother."
"It leads to messy situations," Stephan says bluntly. "The stories I hear are enough to make your hair curl. If people would only take the time to get to know each other before rushing to the altar our entire society would be a lot better off."
He cited juvenile delinquency, child abuse, assault, abandonment and neglect as by-products of broken homes. Not every youngster who appears in juvenile court is the victim of divorce, of course, but the records show the majority are either being raised by one parent, parents who can't stand each other, or are children who have been placed in foster homes because either parent wanted them.
"These are the scapegoats," Stephan said sadly. "These are the youngsters being raised with feelings of anxiety, guilt (many children believe it's their fault their parents didn't get along) and inferiority complexes. These are the youngsters who, because they've never known a stable home life, will probably be young men and women standing in our divorce courts a few years from now."
Courtesy of the Door County Library Newspaper Archive
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